Inspired by the Daily Prompt.
As a child ‘Trust‘ was that stupid yard game where one person had to fall back into another’s arms without looking. Never liked that game.
There are many relationships I’ve built which rely on trust. Trusting my dog not to eat me while she sleeps in my bed. Trusting my parents that when they tell me “everything’s fine at home” over Skype, that it really is. Trust that the ridiculous sounds coming out of my mouth, be it English or Chinese, are sounds that can be understood and not entirely jibberish.
‘Trusting yourself’ seems to be a bit of a buzzword these days- it’s up there with Harambe, Trump and ‘living your dreams’. Those three really shouldn’t be said in the same sentence. For me ‘trusting myself’ means trustfully ignoring whatever nonsense my imagination has cooked up today. The little voices in my head often have a little too much to say for themselves. They pipe up on every occasion. Once one voice starts, they all jump on the bandwagon. Sheep.
As an adult the much simpler paranoid thoughts of “they don’t like me/they don’t think I’m cool” have somehow evolved into much more ferocious and nonsensical monsters.
“You’re definitely running like a chicken right now”
“You’re in the wrong classroom, you don’t teach these guys till tomorrow”
“Are those weird sounds your’re making supposed to be Chinese?”
“You’ve just forgotten how to walk right now, that’s not your walk”
“You have chalk all over your face”.
This last one is the worst, because I do usually have chalk all over my hands, so when rubbing away the imaginary chalk, the non-problem speedily becomes real one, albeit minor- chalk on the face is not the worst problem humanity ever had.
“I will not be paranoid”, encouraging words, perhaps, although the mere mention of the word makes me slightly paranoid.
Aha, this trust business is a tricky game.